windmills of my mind

Trouble.

2011-01-31T08:53:00.000-08:00

Knock, knock said the wind.
I whirl here, thou feet of lead.
Dance with me or walk away
But you may fall, if you're unfed.

I stir the thoughts inside your soul,
And bleed you like the mountain molt--
Take my helms and cry thine tears
At my feet, in the dust, I watch you roll.

I balked at the thought of losing her--
My pride, her mind, my faultless ego.
I called her phone to hear her speak,
But her heart was gone, floated off--
or lost somewhere.

Scared...

2011-01-27T06:10:00.000-08:00

I tip-toe through this old mess of words and thoughts, half scared, lest I trip and fall, lest I alter something. I blush at the thoughts I used to think and wonder, "Where has that boy gone?" The innocence, the confusion, the stiffled words that would only let themselves be spoken as poetry, the younger passionate version of me, the Mak 1.0...

The purity of the diary is in its ability to refract ones gaze inward, looking back on oneself like old pictures of the soul. If you were deligent enough to update frequently, you could get a clearer picture of how your mind worked then, and compare it to how it seems to work now. The trick is, the diary has to be abandoned. It has to be old. It has to be forgotten, then remembered.

Should I start blogging again? But I'm not the child I used to be. I think different, I look and feel and percieve different, everything even the food tastes different nowadays. I'm scared. A good scare.

Hi to everyone. I'm still alive.

Fly Wind

2008-10-11T07:00:00.001-07:00

Soar.

Break.

Smile.

Then fly some more.

Love and let love;

The New World

2008-05-24T06:10:00.000-07:00

The new world as high as the new sky,
Where minds think and men fly--
Where childs see with newer eys,
The world anew that never dies.

Torn from her great reality,
Minds contemplate their eternity;
From space and void, a thought becomes,
I create life, to bring peace to me;

Born of light and pain they caused;
The dark hath my mind in winds a'toss,
Still I crave the smell of fresh brewed life!
To be, to stride, and transcend strife.

Angst, I stare the candle light,
How doth she still burn so bright--
Amid the dark and clouds I glow,
But she rules her space, she knows her name.

The old world will pass away
And the new in time shall turn a'stale
But mind and man shall always be
To create life, bring peace to me.

Inside

2007-10-09T00:34:00.001-07:00

Doors shutting carefully
Pacing me to footsteps unheard
Dragging thy mind along with me
I'm in your head, say few words

Your pulsating mind
The silent noise in my brain
In wonderland, my thots aside
I savor the mind, of a fine dame

Astride amidst her trite yet novel thoughts
I find my name on walls etched
With joy my heart art gone nuts
Though names unknown of anoter mesh'd

As her voilent rages roar
That she realize who her intruder be
I sail the seas on broken oars
unbeknownst, her true thoughts for me.

spirals

2007-09-07T06:44:00.000-07:00

Be it that
The life I live be art in vain
May love thrive my blood
And run my vein

We live forever
Says the preacher
I live now
As the case may be
And my shortened life
My greatest teacher
To give the world
As love gave me
For truth I find
be only for mine eyes
But love and tomorrow never dies

Let those images unwind
As my fleeting folly befall me
For if life is love and love be blind
Then blindly you do stare
At these words before thee

But if life's a dream, thus my illusion break
Bid me die before I wake.

Obsessive Compulsive Lover

2007-08-25T17:51:00.000-07:00

One word ought enough for those wise
But two, deaf fool-hardy
My graceful fall from paradise
Into your love, freely and madly
I walk straight into the night
As I leave no foot-prints behind
Yet nervously pale white--
I worry not. For I have lost my mind.

Then again, I savor thee
Thou princess of my soul
I crave thee at nightfall
For thy voice by day, haunts me
And my love thou hath stole
My blessing, my curse, my very all.

I flee from me and turn to you
As my heart ails from Love's scars
I live as you, my heart sedate
You cloud my perceptions, all is new
And in thy eyes, I see the stars--
I worry not. A new me we create.

gleeee

2007-06-08T20:12:00.000-07:00

hey y'all. I haven't made a post 'cos I've been involved in some vigorous pre-planning for my trip to Naija in 2weeks. My mind has been in chaos-- I've seen better days. Anyways, I hope I'm the only one goin' thru this, in order words: I'm wishing you the best.

Danse de Macabré (the dance of death)

2007-05-31T09:39:00.000-07:00

My heart stopped as you swung from my arms
Another swift and careless drift
Hope below not death awaits, but gentle harms
As thine eyes, my reassuring nightingale
And callous curiosity, amongst thy many charms
We tag the mountains, You and I.

You kiss me to catch thy breath, as we glide
Past the hedge, over the edge
We're one with the snow, we're lost in the slide
We're lip-lock'd lovers cuddled, hoping--
To live and breathe where others died
But may I love you till the end?

We hit rock bottom at base everest
For we danced unguarded at peak the mountain.
But you're in my arms, and we're in heaven--
Kissing ever since, our lips know no rest.

"Ahaa!" says I

2007-05-26T06:37:00.000-07:00

Hand in hand
The bubbles encircle toward my lips
Bursting loudly
"Pop! haa" "Pop haa!"
A man satisfied at final sips--
"Ahaa!" says I, "Ahaa!" says I

Ear to Ear
Tunes hypnotize me a trance
Tango mildly
"Romp! haa " "Romp! haa"
Up man, it's time to dance--
"Ahaa!" says I, "Ahaa!" says I

Goddess to Mortal
I breath her air, such uncharred ardour
Breathe slowly
"Hmmm haa!" "Hmmm haa!"*
Son of man, it's thy turn and it's her alter--
"Ahaa!" says I, "Ahaa!" says I

But round and round
Of her crystal charms, I doth reek
Dying softly
"...! haa" "...! haa"
Music plays when strong men grow weak--
"...!" says I, "...!" says I

But for a goddess, strong men die,
"Ahaa!" says I, "Ahaa!" says I.

I brawl life to live.

2007-05-19T06:18:00.000-07:00

As I beg thee for my own life,
And bid ye guard thine,
I cease to retain my innate self--
As my life flashes images at thine knife...
I behold myself-- drunk in fear, as with wine.
You re-visit me, with pain itself.

Our hearts, so beautiful and vain
We pair in twos, you win I lose
I surrender as ye spare me, yet again,
You words remind me of my pain.

Ah! Dare I tell...

2007-05-14T22:54:00.000-07:00

Indulge me.
When I could be
me--
Make me yours for the moment
For I'm simple to understand
But some complex twist
Though free as current
As flock of birds, 1 or 2thousand--
The least significant amidst.

One or two
Of all you
do--
Sticks through the session
Recurring sharp rasper
The words you tell
Bear with them, my attention
And final words, like a Master
Bidding his pupil farwell.

the end of my tunnel

2007-05-14T18:33:00.000-07:00

I'm back.... I hope to stay--
With you, my babes, and you today.

Sorrows of mack

2007-03-14T08:52:00.000-07:00

I dont know where to start appologising. Before my last poem, I was ladden with depression-- musical depression. I thot I broke free of it's hold but it re-inforced itself and attacked me again. I'm so sorry i kept you, my favorites in all the world, out of the loop.

I'm at that point where the tugging is so immense to head into music, and I'm like a dog with its tail between its legs as I speak. I'm over-flowing with musical concepts; concepts that are out there but not as we know it. They're different in their own light. I call it R&J (rythm & Jazz). But it's a fussion of most of the music genres into one, with the great lyrics, my lyrics. I, at this point believe I can come up with anything I want and I like feel I have a limitless potential. But why this feeling all of a sudden, all so logical, and make so much sense?

Something is being born in me. I don't know what it is. But I think I have to go to Music School to find out. For the first time in my life I smell stardom, it stinks. But it's the ideas in my head that pertub me at the moment. Should I just let them die, and rip the world of another masterpiece? I feel humbled that these ideas sought by kings plague me. But what am I to do?

I can already hear my father's voice in my head, telling me of how much I failed him. He wants a doctor. He wants to walk around with his head held high, and tell the world that his son is THE DOCTOR. I'm sorry father for I flawed the logic you created, I wont become a medical doctor. But I will do something greater. I will heal the world with my words, one soul at a time.

My parents and their siblings will think I'm crazy. I'm going to need nerves of steel to withstand their logic. But I wish someone could hear my voice... I'm not out to stun the world, that was Michael Jackson's job lol. I just want to heal a heart with these gifts; these gifts that fascinate me, that drive me, that make me, me.

I border on obsession at this time. Only one thing makes sense--

I love you all. I need advice, and if you can, point me in the right direction. I need it.

The Art Of Moving On

2007-03-02T17:57:00.002-08:00

At thy eyes, in bewilderment I gaze,
Reminding my mind the merits of sanity,
As amidst thy hearts many colors, I stand amazed.

My life's journey sealed by Time's timed calibre
My journal is empty, but my time far spent,
Beholding in daze, a cat at another, purr.

In fascination I savor this moment
With ardent oblivion of the day preceeding
Yet saving my favorite rose, and kissing her frozen.

Is there a world beyond her?
Like bugs to flame, I'm drawn to wonder.

Thinkers block

2007-03-01T15:27:00.000-08:00

"His palms are sweaty
Knees weak arms are ready
There's vomit on his sweater already
Mom's spaghetti-- he's nervous
But on the surface he looks calm and ready
To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgetting
What he wrote down
The whole crowd goes so loud
He opens his mouth but the words won't come out
He's choking wow, but everybody's choking now
Clocks run out, time's up, over...."

--Marshal Mathers

This is the haze I'm in. There's something I have to tell the world, but
it's unexplainable.... and my pen is my worst enemy.

Untitled

2007-02-27T18:12:00.000-08:00

Long due I know, I know. I just have a few things to sort out. I'll be back soon, I meant to say very soon.

By the way before you go, just leave me a message and tell me how you're doing. I care. I'm in Love with all of you. G'Nite sweet 1's.

Paint My Love

2007-02-20T15:37:00.000-08:00

Paint my love
Thine hair's color
Make me cry
And crave its savor

Soak my love
In thine tears
Charm my heart
A thousand years

Brand my love
Thine lip's mark
Enslave my words
And chain my heart

Make my love
Thine love forever
Let me love you
Tomorrow like never.

Legends Of The Fall

2007-02-20T15:34:00.000-08:00

Their fallen legends lay'd
Where angels strod'
In worlds where souls are remember'd
For how fiercely they lov'd

Another Day Without Her

2007-02-15T17:57:00.000-08:00

Another day without her
From my shivering hands
To the noise in my soul
her voice tears at my hearts gaping hole

I beg God for ten Seconds
Or five in her arms
That I could create my eternity;

I have her to console me
She told me: "I'll always be your baby."

Tales of Stupor From The Diary Of A Mad Black Man

2007-02-12T15:30:00.000-08:00

He found me
"Ahaa! You're brown skinned!!
What is it exactly- gold or just brown?"
I wanted to straighten him
Out, that poor clown.
He continued.
"You're too colored,
Tan alot?--
How much heat does it take to fry a neuron?"
I thought...
Insane reporters never cease to amaze me...
He noticed.
I tried to speak but I couldn't,
For my speech impaired insanity;
His stupid dry brain had to be wooden,
Teh! And they said I was crazy.
Then he lied:
I used to be black y'know, sorry brown,
You're brown right?"
Stupid cow.
"My parents are white..."
He lost me.

This is not poetry.

2007-02-11T02:00:00.000-08:00

please feel free to post your comments on any post, this is just a side-tract.

Three things that scare me:
i. myself
ii. my girl getting hurt (by me)
iii. losing control.

Three people who make me laugh:
i. my girl (not always tho')
ii. my lil' sis
iii. did I already say my girl?

Three Things I love:
i. her eyes
ii. eating hot rice
iii. art (all it's forms)

Three Things I hate:
i. bad music
ii. getting angry
iii. bad movies

Three Things I don't understand:
i. religion
ii. the logic behind "shakara"
iii. a woman in love

Three things on my desk:
i. one desktop monitor
ii. one laptop
iii. my cell and the tv remote control

Three things I’m doing right now:
i. Watching the lamest alien-gigantic-bug movie ever made by a man
ii. thinking hard of what to put down here
iii. typing this page up

Three things I want to do before I die:
i. live?
ii. achieve every goal I set
iii. learn to swim

Three things I can do
i. breathe
ii. anything I set my mind
iii. be a jerk?

Three things you should listen to:
i. the voice of the one you love?
ii. the voices in your head
iii. jazz

Three things you should never listen to:
i. terrible music (it polutes the soul)
ii. anything you don't feel like listening to
iii. the voice of a false prophet

Three things I’d like to learn:
i. to be a genius
ii. to say "um ok?"
iii. to forgive and FORGET

Three favourite foods:
i. rice
ii. more rice (life would be a misery without it)
iii. potato-pottage with lots'a veggies

Three beverages I drink regularly:
i. coffee
ii. milk (occasionally regular)
iii. water?

Three TV shows/Books I watched/read as a kid:
i. was I ever a kid?
ii. collected rhymes (for kids)
iii. voltron

Three people I would like to tag:
i. myself (this guy's so dumb... i know)
ii. snazzy
iii. igwatala

Old School

2007-02-09T15:31:00.001-08:00

A band of baked men
With black souls.
Ashes of black hearts
Smoked over coals.

Three natives thrown over-board
Four murdered,
Five busted vocal-cords,
As silence had--
No greater chant heard.

Rotting black skin
Chained hands and necks.
Men tortured thin,
On enraging decks.

Mother of murdered babe
Slamming her fists;
Her man's voice roars on the deck,
Her glimmer of hope--
Her ounce of bliss.

And earth reckoned
As our voices rippled the ocean:
"We bled your cups hard and full--
Now take us back to Old School!"

Copyright © macalurs 2007

Romeo's Journal

2007-02-07T18:01:00.000-08:00

While all secret loves be made public
Let all who have found love of my tribe,
And he who has never lov'd, declare how toxic
But who can ever tame love's growing ferns,
Or hold a trend of thought in her arms?

Their horses raced by as we made love.
We are wild, my pursuers and I
I-- of passion, they-- my demise strove
And I, one step ahead; They, two behind;
Montages and Copulates alike blind.

Peace sleeps where Jules lay.
No chase tonite, no need to run.
How long till I lose her, how long till I pay?

Copyright © macalurs 2007

Death's Encounters

2007-02-02T17:57:00.000-08:00

(vol 1: The E.R)

Two minutes to breathe, three to die
"Just let me go" he heaved,
"The pain!, oh the pain" he cried.
And why be it ye long to die?
"I rot in pain, I know not why
But my last breath I ask of thee."
I count not time in hours but seconds
Ye shall come with me in three...

--The little thing by his bed stoped beeping--

Behold thineself oh evil one,
Wipe thine eyes, evil know'th not sympathy
I done no evil deeds than them you done,
I am my Makers purpose, for thy sake
And how doth ye, my con compare
To thine malignant wallow in self pity?
I am that I am, for I choose to be;
What other power hath thee but to life take?

I am my Maker's purpose, who art thou?
A reason for life, my existence create
But thine breath alone of havoc doth reek
And thine eyes are to thine Maker, foul
I expanded my walls and broadened mine gates
As Hell doth with fresh souls seethe

But for thee, my days liken christmas
Bid thine Maker greetings from hell
And thanks for His business.

Copyright © macalurs 2007

Valentine Wish

2007-01-26T17:57:00.000-08:00

Mine heart, thine hands, no wedding bands.
Your steady eyes stare at my heart
It's washed and wrapped, it's still alive
To give the fair'st of all the lands

I want yours too, but take your time
It's you and I and none between
You have all day, I have all night
You pray. I'll wait to be your knight.

Thinkers think and dreamers dream
And hope's for the heart, for things unseen
But through my trials and every storm,
I'll be yours, yours in the morn.

When clocks fail and time's past,
Please be mine, at long last.

Copyright © macalurs 2007

If I swore I was Immortal

2007-01-23T18:08:00.000-08:00

And hath thy snail left its home
In thoughtful explore? Oh poor philosopher
The oblivious swagger aflicker candle roam

How useful be the snail, yet her feelers unwind
Need not I those, as my eyes, my curiosity frustrate?
Said the spider to the bat: "Is not life better lived blind?"

Once I lived, once out-slied I a fox
Twice died, out-witting a lion.
"So who's the shadow now?" my shadow mocks.

I could have sworn I couldn't die,
But I raced the snail-- T'was a tie!

Copyright © macalurs 2007

Untitled

2007-01-22T08:27:00.000-08:00

I'm tired. My mind is slow. i'm working two jobs, and the poems don't seem to flow (sorry 'bout the rhyme). I'll be fine later.

Welcome to Eden

2007-01-18T10:40:00.000-08:00

To a place where roses on green thorns grow,

To the valley of death where rivers of life flow;

To man, who God's from dirt to make,

To a mind so fickle but for immortal sake.

Where He displayed His artistry--

That angels marvelled it's majesty,

But serpents walked, and apples grew,

And lions skulls of rabbits chew'd.

To existence and beautiful vainity--

To organised chaos, and veiled disunity;

To illusion and to God's greatest magic,

To life, and happiness ever tragic.

Like beauty out a window toss'd,

Welcome to Eden her paradise lost.

My Cold Hands Her Stay

2007-01-12T09:05:00.000-08:00

That forever we together be,

I wish. My mind it plagues uncertainty

For human doth I mistake make

Approximately occasional, I may

Her subtle heart of beauty break

It seems like my cold hands never wer' her stay.

The worst lover, and best sinner

Of sorts I am. But my love and forgiver,

She remains soothing ever bland

Like she waits my return to my old way

That she may smile and gently tap my hand

If her love wanes, could my cold hands be her stay?

That forever we together be,

I wish. But to the restless, his uncertainty.

The Virgin Boy's Story

2007-01-10T21:57:00.000-08:00

Our lips met and time stopped
As the sun watched a mortal kiss a goddess
When eyes are kissed shut, emotions erupt
And souls entwine in their own furnace
I pause as tears from her eyes roll
T'was just us two, and no tomorrow.

The wind is still 'tis evening
Nothing's moved like nothing dares
Even the birds refuse to sing
Like God hath paused His chores and stare
She moans softly as I kisses trace;
I lick the sweet tears from her face.

My melting heart I cannot help
My tears let go as taste I her breasts
She smells like angels ought to smell.
And I shall make her bosom my nest
And let it be told and re-told in the cosmos as destiny;
That I slept in her arms, and the rest-- history.

Copyright © macalurs 2006

As You Walk...

2007-01-09T04:23:00.000-08:00

Through the sorrow and the wine
Immerse in liquor stupor thine
Starve thine gaunt atwitter mind
Today a prince, tomorrow swine

Through the hellish fate and caste
Wish for palace, but feed the rats
That teach you digging tacts and tricks
Beneath the earth thine gold amassed

Through the wins and all but loss
Watch thine feet with fingers crossed
As to the gambler's toss, his coin
All thy treasures worthless rust.

Through the toils and all but rest
Sweetest vine ye soothe thine breast
Afeast like no tomorrow be
In pursuit of happiness.

Copyright © macalurs 2006

Thump

2007-01-04T11:42:00.000-08:00

A walk alone--
Life's hacked terrain;
A song's drooling tone,
Same beat, same refrain.
Thump!
Thump!

My unfocused stare--
Barren lands, its futile thrive;
My withered hands on torso bare,
I feel the beat, I am alive.
Thump!
Thump!

Splayed out on its hacked terrain--
Skulls of battered, bones of bruised;
That's the trainman, where's the train?
I love his coat, his hat, his muse.
Thump!
Thump!

I feel the beat, it thumps inside--
But for the heat, I'm still alive.
Thump!

Copyright © macalurs 2006

The End.

2006-12-30T08:03:00.000-08:00

She reads, she cries

The letter, "what lies!";

The flickering candle starts to die,

Licks fingers and "tsss", goes the light.

He lies, he breathes

Deeper, sigh heaves;

The silky blanket know'th no warmth,

But heart still warm where fire burnth.

After all that is and hath been said,

Nothing came, but nothing fled.

Christmas

2006-12-24T17:55:00.002-08:00

Christ!? Do I believe? I should. That he's the saviour of the world, the redeemer of mankind, yeah I should believe. But I don't, fully. I think he came to set an example, not to save mankind from his father's wrath. hehe

I'm just kidding. I wish it were as uncomplicated as that. Everyday when I look arround me, I see cause & effect, instead of predestined destinations. There's just alot no one understands, not even me. I've asked questions, and all I get in the end is "just believe". It doesn't play very well in my head. I'll make a detailed explanation later. Just felt like saying something.

It's 24th and it still doesn't feel like christmas... I dont forget the harmattan and the cold and my mums cooking and the smile on faces and that fuzzy feeling that made me wish christmas lasted for some 6months more. I miss home.

My holliday.

2006-12-23T13:43:00.000-08:00

Just a little curious how personal I should get out here... or should I just pour it out? like: let it all go? hmmm I got a lot typing to do that's for sure. I'm not sure how many people are going to read this and to some extent, I care what my readers think-- I guess I should.

Life is a fun game. I put all effort into it and once in a while (like now) I burn out. I get so used to the hustle and bustle and I end up hating to stay idle. Somewhere inside it seems like I want the days to fly past. Why is that? Maybe I'm waiting on something better, something brighter. Hope. "The quintesential delusion of the human mind, simultaneously the source of his greastest strength and his greatest weakness" (the 'Architect' the matrix). It keeps me going, and it burns me out.

It's christmas and I have 5days away from work, I just can't wait to go back... eeeew I can't belive I just said that... Christmas without a family to spend it with-- aint that a bitch? I'll just chew crackers and drink a gallon of milk, my stomach will keep me busy; I hope to lose a few pounds (those ones I dont even have) on the toilet seat.

Meanwhile merry christmas y'all... dont forget to write a new-year resolution ( we all know writting it is half the work done)

first say

2006-12-23T13:26:00.000-08:00

hehe y'all

Never thot I'd start bloggin'. "bloggin'" is that even a word? Well whatever.

Yeah my name is makarios. Call me mack.
I'll talk about whatever I want, and whatever the gods tell me to. You'll get into my head as I make posts. Thanks for coming out. me.