I dont know where to start appologising. Before my last poem, I was ladden with depression-- musical depression. I thot I broke free of it's hold but it re-inforced itself and attacked me again. I'm so sorry i kept you, my favorites in all the world, out of the loop.
I'm at that point where the tugging is so immense to head into music, and I'm like a dog with its tail between its legs as I speak. I'm over-flowing with musical concepts; concepts that are out there but not as we know it. They're different in their own light. I call it R&J (rythm & Jazz). But it's a fussion of most of the music genres into one, with the great lyrics, my lyrics. I, at this point believe I can come up with anything I want and I like feel I have a limitless potential. But why this feeling all of a sudden, all so logical, and make so much sense?
Something is being born in me. I don't know what it is. But I think I have to go to Music School to find out. For the first time in my life I smell stardom, it stinks. But it's the ideas in my head that pertub me at the moment. Should I just let them die, and rip the world of another masterpiece? I feel humbled that these ideas sought by kings plague me. But what am I to do?
I can already hear my father's voice in my head, telling me of how much I failed him. He wants a doctor. He wants to walk around with his head held high, and tell the world that his son is THE DOCTOR. I'm sorry father for I flawed the logic you created, I wont become a medical doctor. But I will do something greater. I will heal the world with my words, one soul at a time.
My parents and their siblings will think I'm crazy. I'm going to need nerves of steel to withstand their logic. But I wish someone could hear my voice... I'm not out to stun the world, that was Michael Jackson's job lol. I just want to heal a heart with these gifts; these gifts that fascinate me, that drive me, that make me, me.
I border on obsession at this time. Only one thing makes sense--
I love you all. I need advice, and if you can, point me in the right direction. I need it.
20 comments:
No one will make the ultimate decision. The instincts, Mack, the instincts. Examine yourself critically and the path will reveal itself...
Dearie, please don't be depressed oh!!
We are going through the same thing, in terms of what decision to make (I just vaguely blogged about it today too).
But I can only tell you to pray about it, and like Azuka said - examine yourself and instincts.
Goodluck with making the right decision for you.
What I know for sure is that you write BEAUTIFULLY
No, don't just let the dreams sought by kings die...cos u were born to be one of them. One of the masterpieces that was recognized gradually until full-blown stardom.
Advice? I say search within yourself...psalm 139 says that God has already written something about you, He knew all your days, even before you lived one day. So search within yourself...the thing that is burning inside of you, and what stands out most of all is your potential. Then pray about it...if you feel "peace" and a feeling of "rightness"...go for it...
And I don't need to tell u "I gat ur back" right?
1. forget the parents. I know it is the un-naija thing to say but u can't live your life for them.
2. talk to the Father, he ALONE knows y u were put on this earth, mayb it is Music, only He knows, ask Him to show up.
3. A smart person once said that what angers u mayb an indication of why God created u. So what angers u in this life?
4. Check out Max Lucado's book A Cure for the Common Life, read the first five chapters for yourself and i think the 9 or 12th chapter might help with the parent situation.
blessings
thanks for your contributions, I've taken them to heart, I'll keep them there.
MACK???????
a bit late in my contribution...but what's worse than death?
AN UNLIVED LIFE!!!
Keep that in mind thru ur decisions...God bless~
I hope you're alright....
You're even more MIA than I am now.
Being buzzing you YIM too.
hey r u alive????
just checking
jus blindly trust what your heart says!!
The best art and music work comes from the depths of depression, as well as other extreme emotions. Embrace it and take advantage of it. Times like these produce beautiful masterpieces.
Happy easter mack.. long time no 'blog speak'... have a great weekend
Follow your heart, follow your gut, trust your instincts. Take a chance. Live your life. Ok enough with the cliches but you're fantastic. The very least you can do is give it a shot. There would be nothing worse than looking back sometime in the future and wondering if you could have done it. We believe in you. :-)
(Hopw this helps in some way. Good luck!)
UPDATE!!!
How are you?
helloooooooooooooooooooooooo
how r u
What you mean you're still not back? Where are you?? Come back!!!!
Please?
update!!!
SO when do i get to sample some of your jams man..
That R&J thing dont sound too bad....
Sorrows of Satan..
One of the gretest books ever.
By Marie Correlli..
If you really didn't wanna be a Doctor, i don't think that's a dissapointment to daddy coz i believe he would want you to be happy, and this gives you happiness.
Just imagine the peace in simplcity, not being heard of everywhere but being blissful and fitting in rightly where you belong.
I believe you will heal a heart
Itz good you've your purpose and intend to flow with it.
I guess i'll say my dream is too big for me to handle
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