Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Sorrows of mack

I dont know where to start appologising. Before my last poem, I was ladden with depression-- musical depression. I thot I broke free of it's hold but it re-inforced itself and attacked me again. I'm so sorry i kept you, my favorites in all the world, out of the loop.

I'm at that point where the tugging is so immense to head into music, and I'm like a dog with its tail between its legs as I speak. I'm over-flowing with musical concepts; concepts that are out there but not as we know it. They're different in their own light. I call it R&J (rythm & Jazz). But it's a fussion of most of the music genres into one, with the great lyrics, my lyrics. I, at this point believe I can come up with anything I want and I like feel I have a limitless potential. But why this feeling all of a sudden, all so logical, and make so much sense?

Something is being born in me. I don't know what it is. But I think I have to go to Music School to find out. For the first time in my life I smell stardom, it stinks. But it's the ideas in my head that pertub me at the moment. Should I just let them die, and rip the world of another masterpiece? I feel humbled that these ideas sought by kings plague me. But what am I to do?

I can already hear my father's voice in my head, telling me of how much I failed him. He wants a doctor. He wants to walk around with his head held high, and tell the world that his son is THE DOCTOR. I'm sorry father for I flawed the logic you created, I wont become a medical doctor. But I will do something greater. I will heal the world with my words, one soul at a time.

My parents and their siblings will think I'm crazy. I'm going to need nerves of steel to withstand their logic. But I wish someone could hear my voice... I'm not out to stun the world, that was Michael Jackson's job lol. I just want to heal a heart with these gifts; these gifts that fascinate me, that drive me, that make me, me.

I border on obsession at this time. Only one thing makes sense--

I love you all. I need advice, and if you can, point me in the right direction. I need it.